Loosing control....or is it, learning to trust?

When living in Parelliville, one becomes particularly aware of character types and developing those characters. You’re suddenly reminded of terms such as Left Brain Extrovert, or Right Brain Introvert. Of course, when you don’t have a horse to practice on (and can’t ‘inadvertently’ realize that your horse’s development is strangely similar to your own) you practice on your co-workers, customers, cabin mates, and yourself! After all, the Parelli program is about relationship, and that's possible to achieve across the board - with humans, animals, and as I'm now discovering: computers, teehee. In order to fully enter into a relationship, one has to be aware of interactions. And, it’s almost impossible to interact if one isn’t in-tune with oneself. Being honest about where you're at, and where you're personally developing is a challenge.

I’m a person that likes to have control of my world. I like to be on top of things. I like to feel as if I’ve completed my task list, and that I’m doing brilliantly! But, what about when your world expands so drastically (*BAM!*) that you can’t be in control? What about when people don’t know you as ‘Kerrin the owner of her world!’ but you’re just the girl with the blonde hair? I’ve come to the conclusion that travelling is an exposing thing! There’s nothing quite like being in an entirely new culture, with different accents, lingos, and social conducts. The funny thing is that I could get annoyed with the different cultures, but no, I’M the foreigner in this situation. When in Rome, do as the Roman's do, right? (shhh… we won’t mention that I’m teaching my cabin mate to speak *proper* English. *ahem* "the rain in Spain…") Anyway. So, of course my natural response is to try to master being a ‘roman!’ BUT, when you spend 3 months travelling alone in one country, a weekend in the next country, an afternoon in another, a month in another, and 3 months in another (and ALL are diverse and unique!) you realize that you can’t adjust to fit every country, and every individual’s needs.

Anyway, to return to ‘Parelli lingo,’ I’ve realized that when I don’t feel on top of my world, I retreat inside of myself; I go introverted, so to speak. At times, I’ve been frustrated that I haven’t been my usual, extroverted, opinionated self. But, that’s okay. I’m learning to trust. To trust that even though I’m not perfect, others can depend on and relate to me just the way that I am. Y'know, I'm realizing that community can be depended upon in a less than artificial manner.

I would never have called myself a control freak, or a big fish in a small pond (I’m constantly learning, and finding new puddles and ponds to swim in!) BUT I’m learning so much about giving up the control. About loosing my ‘sanity and maturity’ in a sense, that sometimes, you just have to be. Sometimes, my opinions really don’t matter that much. And that's all okay.

Ohhhhhhh boy! Once again, I'm out of my comfort zone. My Kerrin bubble is being expanded. And y'know what... it actually feels great! I'm alive. I live a wild and precious life. My God loves me. Life is GREAT!

On my finishing note, I've been greatly aware of this quote lately. It's sometimes useful to be reminded of the fact that we only have one life, and that life is a very wild and precious thing!

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Dancing with my friend, fellow intern, and cabin mate-Gina.